Guilt is a topic that has always caught my attention. Probably because it has been part of my life since my childhood. Born in a Catholic society and educated in a Catholic school, I had no choice but to learn to feel guilty starting in “tender infancy,” as they used to say…

It's good to have a direct experience of this phenomenon. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, not even on myself, but at least I'm talking about something that I have experienced and have "suffered" for a long time. This has made me think a lot about it - about where it came from, how it developed, and how it's managed to permeate societies for millennia. I use the word “suffered” intentionally and not as a figure of speech, because guilt is something we experience as mental suffering.

Since this is a serious topic, I think it is best to approach it without any seriousness. That way I can see it better, and can begin by saying that my childhood had little to do with my guilt. In other words, I've met people who never went to a Catholic school and never heard anyone talk about “guilt,” who still feel as guilty as I do... I've met people from other places, other cultures, who speak different languages, and we all feel guilty.

We feel guilty about what we do and what we don't do. About what we think and feel, and about what we don't think and what we don't feel. In other words, when it comes to guilt, we are all stuck in an internal labyrinth without much way out.

The most curious thing about all this is that no one wants to admit it. And if anybody does naively admit their guilt, they'll have at least six people around them trying to convince them that they're not at all guilty of anything. Which is quite comforting but not remotely helpful. It doesn't help because in spite of everyone's good intentions, it's fake. Guilt does not disappear because someone reasons with you, tells you're wrong, tries to convince you, scolds you, etc. I think we have to go deeper, to the root of the problem of guilt. And that root is like the roots of an oak tree, deep and long…

According to the stories we're told, we were expelled from paradise because of Eve's fault after she ate an apple from the tree of good and evil, seduced by a snake. Who knows where Adam stood in all this, but the story already starts off pretty badly. One of the first historical “judgments” begins with someone being found guilty, and goes on with their punishment. Both Eve and Adam are kicked out of paradise for eating those forbidden apples and for wanting to be like the gods - that is, for having more interesting aspirations than just to exist. Not to mention that the guilty party was a woman, and “God” was always “the father.”

From that point on it's a series of gruesome hardships and tragedies for all human beings, who generally come into the world innocently, without knowing anything about its history, who arrive without choosing, and end up in this strange predicament... guilty even before being born. On top of all this, which is already plenty strange, an intermediary appears part way through the whole story. He shows up at a key moment in history, intending to redeem all human beings, since they arrived already carrying the burden of “original sin." This redeemer brings a message of love and compassion but doesn't even make it to age 40 and ends up being crucified by the empire on duty in cahoots with the reigning religion in the chosen spot.

Which brings us back to guilt. Now the human being is not only expelled from paradise, but also guilty of crucifying the redeemer. Of course, it's explained that he died for our “sins,” but that doesn't help in the least, but only adds one more link to the long chain of guilt that is the basic substrate of an entire belief system, of a faith and a way of life. 

I want to clarify that I'm not at all trying to ridicule the Catholic religion or, in fact, any religion. On the contrary, I am trying to explain to myself how we've been indoctrinated. Even though I'm obviously giving very few details and am speaking in a way that might seem sarcastic (but is not), I'm talking about something I see first of all in myself. I will try to explain below.

This story of guilt is complicated and has endured in this form for thousands of years. It is important, at least from this perspective, to understand that guilt in general is rooted in our civilization, and that its presence is completely independent of its perceived religious origins considering that the code of Hammurabi existed long before Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Guilt broke away from its origins a long time ago, but remains embedded in our social rules, in our legal concepts, in our ideas of “right” and “wrong,” and in the most common and practical applications of the laws that rule humanity.

The so-called “law” is all about administering “justice,” and there is no justice without finding someone “guilty.” Those accused by the law are tried and convicted (or acquitted) by the judge, who is sometimes a magistrate and sometimes a jury made up of a number of people, and who decides whether the accused is guilty or innocent. In all societies the objective of all of this is to administer justice according to the laws of the land. The laws change but the justice system does not change. No matter how much the laws change, the guilty continue to be convicted. In other words, there is no system of justice without guilt. 

This is what I am saying, and it doesn't matter if we agree or don't agree. Without guilt, without punishment, without trials and without confessions, the entire judicial and civic system immediately collapses. This is really food for thought considering all the ramifications and consequences of all these entanglements. But without getting into all that, which would entail quite a lengthy detour, it is clear that all justice systems in general are based on innocence or guilt according to what is considered good and evil in the historical moment in which one lives.

I don't think it's possible to change this system, and it doesn't seem to be in need of change, but I think it's interesting to see how it operates in us. How my guilt, which I don't even know where it comes from, begins to dictate my behavior, and now I feel guilty, and not satisfied with feeling my own guilt, I begin to find others guilty as well. We share the guilt, but that changes nothing important in us.

I believe the only antidote for all this guilt is responsibility. That's another long and complicated topic because of all the interpretations of what it means to "be responsible.” To keep things simple, I am referring only to the responsibility we have to ourselves regarding guilt. In Sri Lanka in 1981, Silo said the following: “For the first time in history, let us stop looking for people to blame. Everyone is responsible for what they have done, but no one is to blame for what has happened. If only with this universal judgment we could declare: 'No one is to blame,' and with this establish a moral obligation that every human reconciles with his or her own past."

This proposal is a profound and simple one that can actually be carried out if the suggested line of action is followed.

If I look inside me for what makes me feel guilty and try to reconcile with myself, with what has happened and with whoever was present in that conflict, that is a step forward, a step that opens my future. Such reconciliation is a responsible and internally integrative response that is aimed toward overcoming revenge, resentment, retribution and self-degradation. In true reconciliation there is no forgiving or forgetting. In this kind of reconciliation it is important to get to the root of revenge, fear, guilt and violence. This root is not personal but cultural, and as we have already said, has its origins in the remote past. In fact, the code of Hammurabi, which predates Judaism, Christianity and Islam, is the beginning of this whole story. That is why the root we are considering here is so long, and why it is a good idea to study it carefully, based on the universal principle that says: "You will make your conflicts disappear not when you want to resolve them, but when you understand them in their ultimate root.”

EDITED & TRANSLATED BY TRUDI RICHARDS

ILLUSTRATION BY RAFAEL EDWARDS